I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
