i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
