When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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