Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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