do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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