Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
