ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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