her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
