Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When did angry sex become our thing?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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