im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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