Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
