All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
false alarm. still invincible.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
