I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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