Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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