I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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