Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
