you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
