I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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