so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
