Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
