No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
