He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
