my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
