She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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