is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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