I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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