Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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