How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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