the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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