I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
