Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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