come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize