Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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