Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
