you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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