After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
