SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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