when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
