That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
