..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
