Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
