pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
