Are we in a gay sports bar?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize