omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
