Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
