Sry I called you an 8
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
