chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
