Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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