I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
