I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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