I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
