Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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