Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
