Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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