He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize