I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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