We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
