It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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