I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize