I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
