if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
