he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
