once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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