she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
