After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The air taste purple.
Randomize
