I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
