I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
