Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
