Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize